It Takes Two

Periwinkle Chronicles, tales of the citizens of Periwinkle [because all the other colors were already taken] County:

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The Rev. Dr. Randall Nathan, (Retard), which is how they pronounce retired in Periwinkle County, or at least that’s what they tell him, was in his usual booth at The Whistle & Thistle Biker Bar and Episcopal Ladies Tea House, with an old udder balm can with a sign that simply said DONATE AND RECEIVE ANALYSIS OF YOUR CURRENT STATE OF PSYCHO-SOCIAL ADJUSTMENT on the table in front of him, to keep anyone from sitting with him, lest he lose points in the Hermudgeon of the Year competition, hermudgeon being a conflation of hermit and curmudgeon, when three old guys staggered in and sat at the table across from him, just out of reach of the DONATE can.

“I’m tired,” said Dino Sauer, the oldest German Italian in Periwinkle County. “Did you hear the thunder last night? I wouldn’t have, except Lotta shook me awake and said, Dino, there’s thunder. What do you want me to do about it? I said. She said, I shouldn’t have to listen to it alone.”

“That’s nothing,” said Harvey Bristol-Kremo, the oldest English Finn in Periwinkle County. “The storm must have spooked a skunk, ‘cause Helena shook me awake and said, Harvey, wake up and smell the skunk. I said How come you woke me up to smell a skunk? And she said, Well, I shouldn’t have to smell it alone.”

“That’s nothing,” said Tennessee “Choo-Choo” Trane. “Georgette shook me awake to ask me if I was cold. I said, Since I was asleep, I must have been warm enough, until you woke me up! She said, Well, I shouldn’t have to be cold alone.”

“Obviously,” said The Rev. Dr. Nathan, “your wives have conquered the psycho-social adjustment stage of intimacy vs. isolation better than you have.” He held out the udder balm can to them. “You may donate in appreciation for my impartation of this important piece of wisdom to you.”

They all said, “Huh?”

Edith Whistle, the proprietress of The Whistle & Thistle, arrived to take their order. “You guys look like the three mugs-of-tears,” said Edith, which is the way she greets any group of three, but this time she meant it.

***
Golden Persimmons are awarded to Bette Premo, Helen Bell, and Georgia Karr, because the similarity between the activities in Periwinkle County and events in other places is rarely coincidental.

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[“Christ in Winter,” Reflections On Faith For People In The Winter Of Their Years, can be found at http://christinwinter.wordpress.com/]

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