Periwinkle Chronicles, tales of the citizens of Periwinkle [because all the other colors were already taken] County:
‘TIS BETTER 2 HAVE LOVED & LOST
The Rev. Dr. Randall Nathan, (Retard), which is how they pronounce retired in Periwinkle County, or at least that’s what they tell him, was in his usual booth at The Whistle & Thistle Biker Bar & Episcopal Ladies Tea House, or W&TBB&ELTH for short, with a copy of Michelle Bachman’s Facts About American History on the table in front of him, to keep anyone from sitting with him, lest he lose points in the Hermudgeon of the Year competition, hermudgeon being a conflation of hermit and curmudgeon, when Edie Whistle, the proprietress of The W&TBB&ELTH came over and slipped into the booth across from him.
“Oh, this is going to be bad. Here comes Malcolm Adroit. It’s Bessie Bandervilt’s funeral this morning, and that old coot is still in his old overalls. He’s going to embarrass himself no end, going to her funeral at The Talistic Funeral Home & Wedding Chapel. Fay Talistic is a real stickler for new overalls for funerals and weddings both.”
“He’s not going to her funeral,” said Rev. Nathan.
“He told you that?”
“No, but he figures since he chased after her all those years and mooned over her and she wouldn’t even give him the time of day, he’s not worthy.”
“What?” said Edie. “You a mind-reader now?”
“No, I’m an overall reader. Also Kate Roberts told me. She was going to take him, but he refuses to go.”
“Is that Good-Eye Roberts?”
“Yes, Edie, but we wouldn’t have to call her that to distinguish her from the other Kate Roberts if we would just stop calling the other one Bad-Eye.”
“Well, she’s got only one eye, and it’s bad, but no matter which eye, it’s up to you to do deal with him,” said Edie as she grabbed her silver pot of Earl Grey and hurried over to the Episcopal Ladies section.
Mal Adroit slipped into the seat she had vacated and sighed. “You hear about Bessie? Dead so young,” he said.
“She was ninety-six, Mal.”
“Yes, but she still had that girlish figure, and such a mind. She could recite the Sunday funnies from memory. From 1943 on. No wonder she never even noticed me. I loved her from afar.”
“That was mostly because afar was as close as she would let you get, Mal.”
“Yes, but yearning for her was my whole life. Now I have nothing to live for, because trying to get her to notice me was what kept me going.”
“Oh, she noticed you, Mal. A lot. She figured if someone like you could love her so much, even from afar, especially from afar, that life was worth living. That’s what kept her going all these years.”
“Gosh, Randy, how do you know that?”
“I know things other people don’t, Mal. It goes with the territory. Now you’d better go home and get into your good overalls before her funeral. I’ll tell Good Eye… uh, I mean, Kate, to come fetch you.”
“I’ll do it, Randy. My life has meaning again.”
As Mal Adroit hurried out, Edie Whistle sidled back over. “I never knew about Bessie thinking life was worth living because of Mal loving her from afar.”
“I didn’t either,” said The Rev. Dr. Randall Nathan, “until I remembered it just now. It was in the Sunday funnies back in 1943.”
***
A Golden Persimmon is awarded to Quentin Ryder, because the similarity between the activities in Periwinkle County and events in other places is rarely coincidental. Another Golden Persimmon is awarded to daughter Mary Beth for her birthday today.
[“Christ in Winter,” Reflections On Faith For People In The Winter Of Their Years, can be found at http://christinwinter.blogspot.com/]
{If you would like to receive PC or CIW by email, let me know at jmcfarland1721@charter.net, and I’ll put you on the list.}
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