Pox on a Biscuit

Periwinkle Chronicles, tales of the citizens of Periwinkle [because all the other colors were already taken] County:

The Rev. Dr. Randall Nathan, (Retard), which is how they pronounce retired in Periwinkle County, or at least that’s what they tell him, was in his usual booth at Good to the Last Meme Coffee Shop and Paradigm Shift Center with four-year-old Clara Wembley beside him, to keep anyone from sitting with him, lest he lose points in the Hermudgeon of the Year competition, hermudgeon being a conflation of hermit and curmudgeon, Clara’s pre-school teachers not requiring her presence except when it is time for her mother to pick her up, when Dominic Inoe and Elizabeth Rall came in and slipped into the booth across from them.

"What the hell do you think Dom Inoe and Libby Rall want?” Clara asked Dr. Nathan in as quiet a voice as she can muster.

“Hey, why the stage whisper?” asked Libby.

“It was really more like sotto voce,” said Randall.

“They look more like Sacco and Vanzetti,” said Clara, who is familiar with such people because her pre-school teachers, who have doctorates in history and so work in child care, often accuse her of anarchism.

“We need your opinion, Randy preacher,” said Dom Inoe.

“If you must use title and given name together,” said Dr. Nathan, “I prefer Preacher Randy.”

“Irrelevant,” said Libby Rall. “We need a tie breaker. Last night at the Quadrennial Theory Debate at the Persimmon Palace, Dom Inoe espoused his usual theory that any change always leads to a succession of worser things, like if you have public TV that will lead to Sesame Street and that will lead to Communism and then nobody will work.”

“And Libby Rall,” said Dom Inoe, “espoused her usual theory that change always leads to something better, like if you develop plastic bottles eventually you’ll have squeezable pancake batter and women won’t have to cook and they can be on reality shows and send their children to pre-school.”

“But why do you need my opinion?” asked Rev. Nathan.

“The judges couldn’t decide between our theories,” said Dom.

“Yeah, they said they couldn’t decide until anonymous people made 60 second TV documentaries pointing out the flaws in each other’s theories,” said Libby.

“That sounds like one of those shrimp shows on TV I’m not allowed to watch,” said Clara.

“I believe she refers to prawnography,” said the retard preacher. “Clara sometimes gets her diphthongs confused.”

“Hey, you won’t catch me wearing one of those things,” said Clara.

“Perhaps,” said Randall, “neither theory is right. Perhaps each action is discrete, leading to nothing else, and should be judged on its own merits rather than what it might lead to.”

“That’s crazy,” said Libby.

“Yeah,” said Dom. “You follow that theory and we’ll end up with a half-black president.”

“Or a Mormon one,” said Libby.

“Either one would be a disaster,” they said together.

“I suspect your theories are in for a severe challenge,” said Pastor Nathan.

“Why are grown-ups even allowed in those debates?” asked Clara. “Pox on a biscuit.”

“Isn’t that pax vobiscum,” asked Libby and Dom.

“No, I think Clara’s analysis is correct,” said Randall.

Clara raised her hand. “Pox on a biscuit to you all,” she intoned.

***

The similarity between the activities in Periwinkle County and events in other places is rarely coincidental.

 [“Christ in Winter,” Reflections On Faith For People In The Winter Of Their Years, can be found at http://christinwinter.blogspot.com/]

{If you would like to receive PC or CIW by email, let me know at jmcfarland1721@charter.net, and I’ll put you on the list.}