Commencement Time at Wood Memorial

David Pool's commencement party is tonight. He graduated from Wood Memorial High School on Friday.

The school isn't named for any person named Wood, just for wood in general, because wood used to be what fueled the economy of western Periwinkle County. WMHS is located in the arid western Aire Plane of PC. The Aire Plane used to be The Aire Forest. That was before Linus "Tiny" Borden appeared.

When he applied for a job as a lumberjack at The Chopsticks Lumber Company, "White Bart" Wong, the foreman, just laughed at him. "I've got lots of experience," said Tiny. "Where did a little guy like you get experience as a lumberjack?" whooped White Bart. "In the Sahara Forest," said Tiny. "The Sahara is a desert," chuckled White Bart. "It is now," said Tiny Borden.

After Tiny finished, The Aire Forest was the Aire Plane.

The art room at Wood Memorial is named for Grant Wood. The stage is named for Natalie Wood. The football field is named for Lou Holtz, since "wood" in German is holtz. The concession stand is named for Calijah, the wooden Indian, even though they don't sell cigars. The golf course is named for Tiger Woods. The journalism dept. is named for Bob Woodward. The basketball court is The John Woodenhead court, because Helena Carr, the Home Ec Teacher and Chair of The Committee on Naming Rights at the time Wood Memorial was built, always heard the TV announcement of the UCLA basketball coach as John Woodenhead, Coach, instead of John Wooden, Head Coach.

David Pool was very proud when his name was called at graduation to receive "The Wooden Nickel" award as Most Likely to Succeed. He hasn't decided yet, though, just how he's going to succeed. This summer he's working as a farmhand on FarmVille, taking care of the crops and animals for FaceBook farmers who have gotten in over their heads and now don't have the time to do their own farming. Maybe by autumn he will have stolen enough identities to finance college.