Hark, the Harold Angels Sing

Prof. Ben “Seymour” Bottoms has been taking a lot of grief since Monday night’s Christmas concert by the “Hell’s Angles Motorcycle Gang & Geometry Club and Tennis Elbows & Ampersands Combined Male Choir.”

Ben was in charge of printing the programs, since he is the only member of the choir who knows how to use a computer. There was a little misprint in the program. The finale was “Hark, the Harold Angels Sing.”

Of course, all the Hell’s Angles and Tennis Elbows have hooted about it all week. “A college perfessor, and he can’t even spell Herald right.” “We’ll have to be the Harold Angles from now on.” “Hey, my name’s Herschel. How come we don’t sing Hark, the Herschel Angels Sing.” “Well, my name’s Homer, so it ought to be Hark the Homer Angels Sing.” You get the idea.

It’s more complicated than that, though. Ben’s granddaughter, Clara Wembley, is only three, but very advanced. She already reads. She has some trouble spelling, though. She asked Ben how to spell Herald. He had been thinking about his long-lost friend, Harold Storm, who was a tornado chaser but hasn’t been heard from in years. So he told her, H-A-R-O-L-D.

Later, “Hark the Harold angels sing” appeared on the kitchen wall in purple crayon. Ben’s daughter-in-law, who used to be named Elizabeth but changed her name to Lisbeth after reading “The Girl With the Hornet’s Nest Tattoo who Played With Fire,” was threatening severe punishment.

Ben said, “Uh, Lisbeth, that was me, or I, according to how grammatical you be. I was thinking about Harold Storm, you know how I get about him around the holidays, and he used to write his letters to me in purple crayon, so I always carry one with me, and I always write Herald as Harold in his honor, and I forgot where I was…”

It wasn’t much of an excuse, but it got Clara off the hook, and allowed Ben to extract a promise from Clara that she would have nothing to do with men until she is 35. Of course, when he printed the programs for the Christmas concert, knowing Lisbeth would be there…