Xmas Music at The W&T

Edith Whistle has “The Whistle and Thistle Biker Bar and Child Care Center” all decorated for Christmas, or Xmas, as the banner above the bar puts it, which confuses the little children quite a little bit.

They are there because Gayle O’Wally’s garage had a grease fire when their cat, Lucifer, turned over the grill while chasing a chipmunk while Gayle’s husband, Gale, was barbequing “wieners in the snow,” which is also the name of his new country song he is trying to sell to “Gnashville Troubadours,” based in Gnashville, TN, to make some money, since he forgot to renew the insurance on the garage, where Gayle’s child care center, “Pooh & Poo,” was centered. Gayle used to be a waitress at The W&T, so naturally Edith told her she could bring her little charges there until “Wieners in the Snow” sold.

Thursday after school was “Hapless Hour,” “All the Beer, Tea, or Hot Chocolate You Can Pay For.” Edith thought it would be great to have live music for each Thursday Hapless Hour during Advent. Unfortunately, because of a computer “cut and paste” problem, she invited Madame Rousseau and Father Larry for the same date. So Madame Rousseau brought her choir, “The Glee-Full Swedish Automobiles,” from Volvo River High School, and Father Larry brought his youth choir, “Glee for the Masses,” from St. Keisha’s. In addition to the “Pooh & Poo” kids, the Episcopal Ladies were in “The Earl Grey Memorial Corner,” and “The Hell’s Angels Motorcycle Gang & Geometry Club” were figuring out tangents at the pool table. All the groups were glaring at the others in a hapless and not very Christmasy fashion.

Edith thought she could solve the problem by putting on her favorite Christmas album—“Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer and Other Classical Christmas Favorites.” She has it in LP, CD, and cassette tape, so put them all on at the same time. Well, not exactly at the same time. The old hi-fi that plays LPs is situated in the Episcopal Ladies corner, for obvious reasons, and the CD player stands behind the bar, and the cassette player is on a shelf in “Pooh & Poo Corner.” It took her a while to get from one to the other to flip switches. Consequently each version was slightly out of sync with the others. Of course, each group was singing with the music closest to them.

Professor Ben “Seymour” Bottoms stopped in for Hapless Hour hot chocolate when he returned from the university. When he got home, Kate Bates, his wife, asked him what he had been doing.

“Singing with the Xmas choir from hell,” he said.