Hope for the Hopeless

It’s Holiday Tournament time at Hope’s Promise University, over in Crimson County, 30 miles from Memphjus, the seat of Periwinkle County. They call it the “Hope for the Hopeless” tourney, since HPU brings in men’s and women’s teams from colleges around the country that have no hope of winning anything but a big check for providing practice for “The Fighting Optimists,” which is a temporary name for the HPU teams, because they have not decided what to call them yet since the university changed its name from Cratchit State U, which fielded and floored “The Tiny Tims,” a name which caused all sorts of rude anti-cheers from fans from other schools.

The team everyone is looking forward to seeing is from South Carolina C&S, or the official name of South Carolina Cottonpickin’ and Sharecroppin’, an historically African-American college. It is located in Itty-Bitty, SC. Like HPU, SCCS has changed the name of its sports teams this year, to “The Fighting Slaves.”

It was meant as a protest of South Carolina racist politics and politicians, but it backfired. Sen. Jim DeMented is a big supporter, as is The Society for Preservation of Southern Culture, and The Sons of the Rebel Flag, and the “White Christmas” party. “It’s refreshing to see college students who know their place…. Uh, that is, their place in history,” said Sen. DeMented, who put an earmark onto the funding for “soldiers in Afghanistan” bill that will pay for new black uniforms with “Fighting Slaves” on them, in place of funding for scholarships at SCCS for this year.

It’s going to be a great game when The Fighting Slaves take the floor against The Fighting Abolitionists of John Brown College. The Fighting Abolitionists convinced HPU and all the other teams in the tourney to donate their shares to SCCS to replace the missing scholarship money. But that’s what Christmas tournaments are all about.