Always Sunny

Periwinkle Chronicles, tales of the citizens of Periwinkle [because all the other colors were already taken] County:

***

Retired funeral director Jake Newland and three-year-old Clara Wembley stopped into The Whistle & Thistle Biker Bar & Episcopal Ladies Tea House for lunch. They joined the Rev. Dr. Randall Nathan, (Retard), which is how they pronounce “retired” in Periwinkle County, in his usual booth, overlooking Charybdis, the wishing Whirlpool washing machine.

“So it’s the three mugs of tears,” said Edith as she brought them a menu. “Where’s Shingles today?”

Shingles is the companion dog of the Wembley family, and sometimes of Kate Bates, Clara’s nana, or, the way Shingles thinks of it, they are his companion people. Clara has still not forgiven Shingles for stealing her blankie on Christmas eve of 2009 and continues to plot her revenge.

“Shingles has gone to that great Buddy Mutts in The Sky,” said Clara.

“OMG. He’s in heaven?” shrieked Edith.

“Not exactly,” said Jake. “The Brothers Jim are franchising Buddy Mutts, and their first franchisee is in Transkei, in African Violet County. Clara and I went over there sort of by accident, and you know how you can’t get in at Buddy Mutts unless you have a dog with you, and they didn’t have enough dogs, so they had a sign wanting loaner dogs, so Clara sort of leased Shingles to them. And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t put OMG in our food.”

Edith looked suspicious. “Just what were you two doing over in African Violet County, anyway?”

Clara piped up. “When Miss Jenny saw we were watching that Delphinimums show on TV, she told Mr. Jake to get lost, so he did.”

“Well,” said Jake, “getting lost wasn’t an immediate response to Jenny’s command. Clara and I drove over to the Jean Pool at Transkei, and got lost in the process.”

“Jean Pool?”

“Yeah, you have to wear jeans or be named Jean or they won’t let you in.”

“Sort of like church,” said Clara. “They cut off Mr. Smith’s tie last Sunday, and made him put double in the plate because he was wearing good clothes to church.”

“We’re trying to make our services user friendly,” said Jake. “People won’t think it’s friendly if there are folks in good clothes there. Pastor Tod says we need to be more like a Lions Club.”

“Roarrrr,” said Clara.

“But we didn’t qualify for the Jean Pool, so we went to the new Buddy Mutts there.”

“How come Clara was watching TV at your house in the first place?” asked Randall.

“She came down to my house to get me to take her over to Hope’s Promise, to the university, because she heard some frat boys saying they needed some hair of the dog. She was going to sell Shingles to them. She was going to hitch-hike over if I couldn’t take her. I figured it was better to have her watch TV with me than having her hitch-hike.”

“Wait a minute,” said Edith. “What TV show were you watching again?”

“Always Sunny in Phil’s Delphiniums,” said Jake, resting his head on his walker.

“You let Clara watch THAT?” shrieked Edith.

“I thought it was a gardening show,” protested Jake. “Who would have thought that delphinium is a euphemism for…”

“I don’t want to know,” said Randall.

***
(The similarity between activities in Periwinkle County and events in other places is rarely coincidental.)

[“Christ in Winter,” Reflections On Faith For People In The Winter Of Their Years, can be found at http://christinwinter.blogspot.com/]

{If you would like to receive PC or CIW by email, let me know at jmcfarland1721@charter.net, and I’ll put you on the list.}