The Christian Outlet Mall

Periwinkle Chronicles, tales of the citizens of Periwinkle [because all the other colors were already taken] County:

The Rev. Dr. Randall Nathan, (Retard), which is how they pronounce retired in Periwinkle County, or at least that’s what they tell him, was in his usual booth at Alley Cat Magee’s Coffee Shop & Persimmon Neutering Clinic with a copy of Grey’s Surgical Techniques and Spaghetti Recipes open in front of him to keep anyone from sitting with him, lest he lose points in the Hermudgeon of the Year competition, hermudgeon being a conflation of hermit and curmudgeon, when Ellen Palendro, the Sharon Baker Professor of Poetry at Hope’s Promise University, the big state university over in Crimson County, in the town of Hope’s Promise, came in and slipped into the booth across from him and said, “Did you know there’s a new mall out on the Wayfaring Stranger Memorial Highway? I didn’t think you would, since you never leave town.”

“What in hades do we need a new mall for?” asked Randall. “And what were you doing driving on the Wayfaring Stranger Highway?”

“Well, I realize that only Christians use that highway, because it’s a straight and narrow way. We heathen prefer the broad way that leads to Destruction. Makes you wonder why people in Ohio would want a town named Destruction. But I got on the Wayfaring Stranger Highway sort of by accident on the way home from Pennsylvania.”

“What were you doing in Pennsylvania? Isn’t that where you fractured your prosaic bone last time you were there?”

“That was personal. This was business. I went to the Algorithmic Poetry Conference there, at HUI.”

“What’s HUI?”

“Harvard University at Intercourse. I think maybe they decided to have a branch campus there in PA because of the ‘course’ part of the town’s name. Colleges like lots of courses.”

“Their students are usually fascinated by the ‘inter’ part, too,” said Dr. Nathan.

“Anyway, there’s a big sign on it that says Christian Outlet Mall. What gives? Do they sell shopworn Methodists? Scratched and dented Presbyterians? Baptist overruns? Holy Roller seconds? Catholic rejects?”

“Hmm,” said The Rev. Dr. Randall Nathan, “If so, I think I have some prospects for them.”

***
Because the similarity between the activities in Periwinkle County and events in other places is rarely coincidental, a Golden Persimmon is awarded today to author Elaine Palencia. The last time I mentioned Elaine, in my Christ In Winter blog, I said: “I suppose the best known Champaign-Urbana author is Richard Powers, but I think the best one is Elaine. Try BRIER COUNTRY or SMALL CAUCASIAN WOMAN.” A reader commented: “Please don’t tell my husband to try a small Caucasian woman.”


[“Christ in Winter,” Reflections On Faith For People In The Winter Of Their Years, can be found at http://christinwinter.blogspot.com/]

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