3 Time Losers

Periwinkle Chronicles, tales of the citizens of Periwinkle [because all the other colors were already taken] County:

***

The phone rang. Claire Nathan looked at the caller ID. She has been screening calls since her old boyfriend found her on PlaceMat, the social network site for cooks and decorators. He now has his own cooking show on the Faux Network, Cooking With a Boy Named Sous.

But it wasn’t Chef Sous. It was the Jen U. Kroc Periwinkle County Library & Plastic Surgery Center.

“Hmm, I wonder what they want,” mused Claire. “Randall, you didn’t take any of your plastic soldiers to the JUCPCL&PS after we dog-sat with Shingles and she or he got into them, did you?”

“It’s stupid to suggest I would take anything precious to those chainsaw artists,” said Randall.

Claire punched the “on” button.

“You’ve had a book out since last May,” said Libby Rarian.

“I have not,” gasped Claire.

“Yes you have,” insisted Libby. “It’s not been checked in, so it has to be out. Our computer never lies.”

“You don’t even have a computer,” said Claire.

“Yes we do. It’s in the basement so Igor, our circulation moderator, doesn’t have to interact with patrons. He had a bad experience with one once. She looked at him.”

“Sounds sort of like my husband,” said Claire.

“Whatever,” said Libby. “But you still have ‘The Secret Love Life of Persimmons,’ and there’s a waiting list.”

Randall could see a transcript of the conversation on the TV, since Periwinkle County’s electronic confusion provider, A T & Clueless, got the ions for their system mixed up with the signals from C. D. Romm’s pacemaker.

“That’s a stupid book,” muttered Randall. “Whoever heard of a persimmon being secretive about anything?”

Claire hung up the phone and turned to her husband.

“Lib Rarian claims I have a book I never even heard of, and they… they… It’s unfair. I never even had that book, and they say I didn’t return it,” she sputtered.

“Oh, just buy them a new copy and let it go. It would be stupid to do anything else,” said Randall.

“But what if I get arrested for something else? Then I’ll have a record. I’ll be considered an habitual criminal. Remember that parking ticket I got? It’s three strikes and you’re out. The next one will be the third.”

“Oh, that’s stupid. What else would you get arrested for?”

“I’m thinking murder might be a good possibility,” said Claire.

***

{The similarity between activities in Periwinkle County and events in other places is rarely coincidental.}

[“Christ in Winter,” Reflections On Faith For People In The Winter Of Their Years, can be found at http://christinwinter.blogspot.com/]

{If you would like to receive PC or CIW by email, let me know at jmcfarland1721@charter.net, and I’ll put you on the list.}