Unholy Saturday

It is Holy Saturday, the day between Good Friday and Easter, the day on which Jesus descended into hell to preach to the overheated wretches there, so that we can now claim they have no one to blame but themselves for their parboiled condition, be it Fahrenheit or Celsius, since they had a chance, even though they lived before Jesus, to hear and respond and get the hell out of there, or "Get the L out of there," as they say in Chicago. Anyone who has gone to hell during the last two thousand years has no excuse, either, since they could have heard the good news BEFORE they let Original Sin get the best of them.

Pastor Patty is thinking that her desire to see the Kitchen Nazis go to hell is really not vengeful, but within the Jesus tradition of bringing good news to the hellions, since the KN would be like the busload of UMWL [United Methodist Women and Ladies] who had to be housed in hell temporarily because their bus accident was not on the schedule and heaven had no room for them at the moment and the devil called up St. Peter and told him he had to get them out of hell right away because one more bake sale and they would have enough money to air-condition the place. She was just thinking about the sad condition of hell's citizens and what the Kitchen Nazis could do to better it.

The new young student pastor at Forsythia Lutheran, who comes down each weekend from Discordia Seminary, in Capital City, which he thinks should be called a sermonary, since preaching better is what he wants to learn there, is thinking how exciting it must have been in hell the day Jesus came to bring good news, almost like having your team in the Final Four. He is contemplating an Easter sermon called "Butler Rolls the Stone Away," except he is not sure Butler can get by Michigan State, since Tom Izzo, their coach, grew up in Iron Mountain, Michigan, and so thinks of hell only as a nice place to warm up after the winter, a place where it would be nice to sit out and catch a few rays.

Pastor Randall Nathan, (Retard), is thinking that it ought to be called UNholy Saturday, since that is where most people spend the vast majority of their time. Most people don't have many Easter moments, when joy explodes like an empty tomb, or winning the bracket pool, nor do they have many crucifixion moments, when death is one's best hope. Instead, they just slog along between the two, not looking back and not looking forward, just living in the limbo of boredom. He has always known that boredom is the roof ot sin.

Jesus may be thinking that if he could get the three of those pastors to put their sermons into a hopper and mix them all together, Saturday, holy or unholy, might produce something worthwhile for Easter Sunday. Or he might be thinking of a shredder instead of a hopper...