Apostrophe Protection Society

Periwinkle Chronicles, tales of the citizens of Periwinkle [because all the other colors were already taken] County:

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Three-year-old Clara Wembley watched with trepidation as Polly Androus directed the big men to load retired funeral director Jake Newland and Prof. Ben “Seymour” Bottoms, the husband of her nana, Kate Bates, and The Rev. Dr. Randall Nathan, (Retard), which is how they pronounce retired in Periwinkle County, or at least that’s what they tell him, into the back of her truck. Clara could not read the words on the side of the truck, "Let Polly Androus Recycle Your Old Stuff," painted over the faded image of millionaire Morgan P. Moneybags, which bore a striking resemblance to The Rev. Dr. Randall Nathan, (Retard), especially if you struck it from the left side.

She had already watched with trepidation as Jennie Newland posted a note on the side of the garage and went back into the house, and she knew that there would be problems when Jake came out of the house to look at the stuff Jennie had piled there beside the garage, and even more trouble when Prof. Bottoms and Dr. Nathan stopped to talk to him. No, she could not read the words on the side of the truck, but she knew what she had to do.

“Come on, trepidation,” she yelled to her imaginary friend. She jumped into her car and pedaled furiously down the sidewalk, yelling, “Beep, beep. Get out of the way people, if you don’t want me to give you the finger.” [1]

She pulled into the curving driveway of a trapezoidal house. Beside the door was a neatly lettered sign: Ella Cution, President, Periwinkle County Chapter of the Apostrophe Protection Society (PCCOT’PS). Clara went to the door with trepidation.

“You’ve got to come, Ms. Cution,” Clara said. “It’s an emergency.”

“I can see that, Clara,” said Ella Cution, “but since he is your friend, you really must capitalize Trepidation.”

“He’s a she,” said Clara.

“I stand by my Ruling,” said Ella Cution. “Perhaps Trepidation and Ruling can play together while we take care of this emergency.”

Just then Polly Andrus’s truck careered around the curve in the street.

“My goodness, such driving,” said Ella Cution. “I really think that truck should be looking for a new job if it is careering. Otherwise, it’s just careening. And that extra s on Androus simply makes an ass our of as.”

Nonetheless, she stepped out and waved down the truck and directed it back to Jake and Jenny Newland’s house, where she demanded that Polly Andrus redeposit Jake and Randall and Seymour. Then she went to the door of the house and knocked until Jenny emerged.

“Mrs. Newland, you really must be more careful when you leave a note,” she said, as she added an apostrophe to Jenny’s note, so that it then read: Take those old things beside the garage; they are my husband’s.

***

1] For an explanation of Clara’s giving of the finger, read Periwinkle Chronicles for March 22, 2011.

A Golden Persimmon is awarded today to Lynne Truss, because the similarity between the activities in Periwinkle County and events in other places is rarely coincidental.

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[“Christ in Winter,” Reflections On Faith For People In The Winter Of Their Years, can be found at http://www.christinwinter.blogspot.com/]

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