La Dame du Non Secours

Periwinkle Chronicles, tales of the citizens of Periwinkle [because all the other colors were already taken] County:
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The Rev. Dr. Randall Nathan, (Retard), which is how they pronounce retired in Periwinkle County, or at least that’s what they tell him, was in his usual booth at La Dame du Non Secours Persimmon Espresso Bar
with a pig ringer and a box of rings on the table in front of him, to keep anyone from sitting with him, lest he lose points in the Hermudgeon of the Year competition, hermudgeon being a conflation of hermit and curmudgeon, when Della Catessen brought him his usual Perspicacious Persimmon Placebo Platte’.

“Hey,” yelled Pastor Patty, who was in the next booth, trying to think up a different sermon for the coming Sunday, since most of the crowd heard only the resurrection part of the Gospel, because they came only on Easter, and didn’t know anything about sacrifice and forgiveness and eschewing money and the rest of what Jesus preached and died for, “how come you bring his drink out to him when the rest of us have to stand in line? That’s the whole point of the name of this place. You’re the dame of no help. He’s old, but he can still stand in line.”

“It’s a gift to Claire,” said Della Catessen. “As long as he’s in here, he’s not home. Also, as long as he’s drinking his platte’ he can’t be telling those corny jokes.”

“Oh, well that’s okay, then,” said Pastor Patty.

She turned to Randall.

“I assume you’re not coming to church this week?”

“Never on Easter,” he replied, “or Christmas. Too many people.”

“But you used to preach to big crowds all the time,” she protested.

“Yes, but I was up in the pulpit. That’s why I went into the ministry, so I didn’t have to sit with other people in church.”

“I guess you don’t have any ideas for a different way to get the Easter message across then…”

“I’ll tell you something Claire said to me when I was worrying about new ways to preach. ‘You have only one thing to do in that pulpit, and that’s to remind us that God loves us.’”

Pastor Patty turned and yelled to Della Catessen, “Hey, you can go back to being the dame of no help. I’ll bring him his platte’ from now on. I owe Claire, too.”

***
The similarity between the activities in Periwinkle County and events in other places is rarely coincidental.

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[“Christ in Winter,” Reflections On Faith For People In The Winter Of Their Years, can be found at http://www.christinwinter.blogspot.com/]

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