By Their Drinks Ye Shall Know Them

Periwinkle Chronicles, tales of the citizens of Periwinkle [because all the other colors were already taken] County:

***

The Rev. Dr. Randall Nathan, (Retard), which is how they pronounce "retired" in Periwinkle County, or at least that’s what they tell him, was in his usual booth at The Deja Brew Used Coffee & Plumbing Fixtures, with a book, "1001 Noises You Can Make With Your Armpit," open on the table in front of him, to keep anyone from sitting with him, lest he lose points in the Hermudgeon of the Year competition, hermudgeon being a conflation of hermit and curmudgeon, when Helmut Himmel, the new pastor at Our Lady of Wittenberg Lutheran Church & Lutefisk Outlet came in and slipped into the booth across from him.

“I’ve never lived in a small town before,” said Pastor Himmel.

“Congratulations,” said Pastor Nathan.

“Yesterday I was at the Christian Outlet Mall, and I met a woman who said she might be interested in joining our church. So last night at choir practice, I asked the sopranos if they knew her. You need to check before you let somebody into a Lutheran church, because some people don’t like to shake hands to pass the peace while wearing germ-proof rubber gloves, the way we do. Ann Hiser-Bush, the lead soprano, said, ‘Yes, she drinks Manhattans.’ I’ve lived all over the world, but I didn’t know that people in small towns are identified by what they drink.”

“Well,” said Randall, “people in small towns are identified in many ways, because everybody knows everything about everybody, and now I know why everybody says your sopranos hit the high notes better than any other choir in town.”

***
A Golden Persimmon is awarded today to II Imhoff, David, the II to distinguish him from his older brother, Roger, who is I Imhoff, because the similarity between the activities in Periwinkle County and events in other places is rarely coincidental.

[“Christ in Winter,” Reflections On Faith For People In The Winter Of Their Years, can be found at http://christinwinter.blogspot.com/]

{If you would like to receive PC or CIW by email, let me know at jmcfarland1721@charter.net, and I’ll put you on the list.}