Nobody Believed

Periwinkle Chronicles, tales of the citizens of Periwinkle [because all the other colors were already taken] County:

The Rev. Dr. Randall Nathan, (Retard), which is how they pronounce retired in Periwinkle County, or at least that’s what they tell him, was in his usual booth at the Good to the Last Slop Coffee Shop and Pig Racing OTB Parlor, with copies of the Koran and US Constitution open on the table in front of him to keep anyone from sitting with him, lest he lose points in the Hermudgeon of the Year competition, hermudgeon being a conflation of hermit and curmudgeon, when Coach Gabe “Silent Gabby” Knightshade came in and slipped into the booth across from him.

“Nobody believed I would sit down with you,” said Silent Gabby, “but I did.”

“I watched on TV last night,” said Randall, “when your HPU Vegetable Molesters team won the NPAA national championship.”

“Yes,” said Silent Gabby, “nobody believed that we could win the National Persimmon Athletic Association championship, nobody but us, but we believed, and so we won.”

“But all the pundits picked you to win it all.”

“They picked us, but nobody believed in us, but we won.”

“That reminds me, sort of, that I want to talk with you about your mascot and what it does during the games.”

“Ha, nobody believed our mascot could do that, right out in public, but the VM lived up to its name.”

“But isn’t that a bit extreme?”

“Nobody believed we could be extreme, but we were. Besides, being Vegetable Molesters isn’t nearly as extreme as those Cornjerkers from Hoopeston and the Appleknockers from Cobden. [1] Nobody believed in us,” said Coach Gabby “but we believed in ourselves, and so we won it all.”

“But you were picked by all the newspapers and the casinos over at Lost Wages and every pundit on ESP to win it all,” said Randall.

“Yes, nobody believed in us. They thought we couldn’t win, but we did, because we believed in ourselves, even though nobody else did.”

“You coaches have a strange relationship to belief.”

“That’s right. Nobody believed I could talk like this, but I did.”

***
1] The Hoopeston, IL Cornjerkers and the Cobden, IL Appleknockers are real high school teams. Nobody believes it, but it’s true. To the best of my knowledge, they are the only teams in the country that molest vegetables, although the Somerset, KY Briar Jumpers come close, especially if they fail to clear the briars.

The similarity between the activities in Periwinkle County and events in other places is rarely coincidental.

[“Christ in Winter,” Reflections On Faith For People In The Winter Of Their Years, can be found at http://christinwinter.blogspot.com/]

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