Petel Patel was in Memphjus this week, looking for a site for the new "Language Equalization Center." It has been determined that Periwinkle County has the most typically American speech patterns of the whole country, and Petel Patel's company wants all its tech support people to talk that way.
She selected the defunct "Brideasaurus" wedding center. With a name like that, no one could understand why it failed to attract customers. The first contingent of Bombay tech support people will arrive next week to start their training, to learn to talk like Periwinklians.
Realtor Madeline Twoknives, who is Indian in her own way, took Petel Patel to the Whistle and Thistle biker bar and tea house to celebrate the lease. "Goldurn, ya sweat litl ting," Bobcat Whistle said, as he seated them in the Episcopal Ladies corner and served them the Persimmon Special. "Tis gona make big difrunc in yconomy herebouts..."
Behind the bar, Edith, the thistle half of the W&T, smiled to herself. She had gotten back at Bobcat for his insults by spiking his Ovaltine with alum. Petel Patel didn't know that, though. "Prithee, into what nefarious location have I been led," she thought to herself, "where the denizens speak like demented Muppets." Last seen, she was trying to sneak the signed contract out of Madeline Twoknives' purse.
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Can I send my eldest son there? In conversation last night I picked up two decided "Jersey-isms" that appalled me. I called him on them and he proclaimed, quite truly, that he's spent all but two of his years in Joy-see, so it's not unnatural that he has somewhat of a Joy-see accent. Sounds unnatural to me, though. Next thing I know, he'll be won-un to go to Tren-en (Trenton).
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