The Rest of the New Year

It is said in Periwinkle County that what you do on New Year's Day is what you will be doing the rest of the year.

Rev. Randall Nathan (Retard) does not believe such superstition, of course, but just in case, he has secretly removed the batteries from all the phones and taken his black and white TV to the basement, where he will watch football and avoid people all day. His wife, Claire, is making lists.

Two-year-old Clara Wembley is stalking the dog, Shingles. Seven-year-old Remington Watts is posting new ways to control parents on his blog devoted to that subject.

His mother, Pastor Patty, hopes, really hopes, that old saying is not true. Another snowmobile went through the false ice on the lake. She's the volunteer chaplain on call today. She's at the hospital, holding hands, knowing she has no answers to "why does God let things like this happen." She does not want to have no answers all year long.

Wally Wagler is filling out his registration for spring training fantasy camp. He'll be the oldest fantasy camper there, but his registration form does not know that he is over the age limit. His wife, Julie, is at the roller rink, terrorizing the teenage boys as she relives her days as a Roller Derby queen.

Professor Ben "Seymour" Bottoms is at The Whistle & Thistle, watching football on the "Big Ass" [TM] TV. His wife, Kate Bates, is along, but she's at the silver candle Episcopalian ladies tables in the corner, planning the guest list and menu for a dinner party.

Roland Innis is at The W&T, too, but all he sees on the screen is a slideshow of his wife, Roberta, memories of all the things they did together, all the joys they shared. It's his first New Year as a widower, and he wants to sit by himself and mourn, but he knows he needs to be out with people. He is, if the denizens of The W&T count as people, but it's not working very well. He thinks it would be okay, though, to spend the whole year just thinking about Roberta.

And, of course, in her remodled farm house, literary super-agent, Phyllis Ethridge, is rejecting manuscripts.