[If you have not previously read the posts for March 9 & 12, now would be a good time to do so.]
[In the spring, a young man's fancy may turn to love, but an old man's fancy turns to baseball.]
Earl Weaver, curmudgeonly honorary manager for the Baltimore Orioles' Fantasy Camp and Orthopedic Clinic, got tired of "Waste 'Em Wally" Wagler hitting all the baseballs over the fence. So Earl sent a hurry-up order to World Leather Goods and Purveyors of Fine Stuff [WLGAPOFS]in Purveyor, SC, the official and only source of baseballs for The South Carolina Amateur Whites-Only Baseball League. [SCAWOBL]
Lucious Nixon, the CEO of both WLGAPOFS and SCAWOBL, was delighted. He had been stuck since Halloween with a lot of half-horse suits. When he had told his workers that the Halloween horse costumes were in honor of their state's governor, they had manufactured only the rear ends of the horse costumes. Forgetting that "You can't turn a sow's ear into a silk purse," which has been tried a great deal in SC without success, he told them to turn the rear ends into baseballs.
He had forgotten, if he ever knew, since he does not like to go down on the manufacturing floor, because he does not want to be caught in an immigration raid, since he was born in Kenya and doesn't have a birth certificate, that the back halves of the horse costumes were made of multi-colored leather, as befits Halloween. So when the new baseballs were delivered to the Orioles' fantasy camp, they came in many shades and colors, some even in stripes. This seemed to discombobulate [A word named for the dancing style of Disco Bob Ulate] the other fantasy campers and the regular Orioles, but it only made it easier for "Waste 'Em Wally" Wagler to read the rotation on the balls so that he could close his eyes and swing for the fences.
Pastor Randall Nathan has taught a little song to the other denizens of the shady section at Ed Smith Stadium. They all know the tune from another source.
Wally smacks the little baseballs,
All the little baseballs of the World [grace notes descant trailer, basses only, "LGAPOFS"],
Red and yellow, black and white,
Wally whacks 'em out of sight,
Wally wastes the little baseballs of the World [grace notes descant trailer, altos only, "LGAPOFS"].
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