Yard Car Heaven

The Rev. Dr. Randall Nathan, (Retard),* was surprised when Heaven “Heavy” Hudges walked into the Herbert “Herb” Highslop’s “Haven for Husbands Coffee Shop & Silence Zone.” Randall had gone to school with Heavy back in Arkansas, when he was still called Randey, and hadn’t seen him in 40 years. Heavy was immediately recognizable, though, for obvious reasons. They shook hands, but had to go out onto the sidewalk in front to talk, since Herb’s is a silence zone.

“What are you doing up here, Heavy?” Randall asked.

“I don’t go by Heavy anymore, Randey. It’s to honor my mother. She named me Heaven, so that’s who I am. But to answer your question, I’m here to get away from it.”

“What are you getting away from, Heav…en.”

“The rat race. The constant problem of what to do with all my money. My theme park has been so successful, all day, all night, people streaming in, giving me money. And everybody knows Periwinkle County is the place to come to get away from it, whatever ‘it’ is, so here I am.”

“You have a theme park?”

“Yes. ‘Heaven’s Yard Car Heaven.’ Yard cars are real important in Arkansas, real status symbols. I’ve collected the biggest bunch of yard cars you ever saw. People pay plenty to see them.”

“But I thought you inherited your dad’s junk yard.”

“Yeah, I did. But I changed the sign on it. Now it’s a theme park. Disney wanted to buy me out, but it’s a National Hysteric Site, so I have to stay and run it as a family heritage or the Tea Party gets it.”

* Where Randall comes from, "Retired" is pronounced as "Retard."