Periwinkle Chronicles, tales of the citizens of Periwinkle [because all the other colors were already taken] County:
Prof. Ben “Seymour” Bottoms had a dilemma.
His nephew, Bart “Soggy” Bottoms, was playing tight end in “The Super Suds Persimmon Bowl Brought to You by Dos Morons Beer” at “Somali Pirates-They’re Not Just for Somalia Anymore- Stadium,” for Prairie Valley College of Miming and Mooning, the founders of the college having felt that the best approach to life consisted of keeping your mouth shut and studying the planets, and it would have been easy enough to get tickets and go, since the “Somali Pirates-They’re Not Just for Somalia Anymore- Stadium” is just up the road in Capitul City, and PVCMM “doesn’t travel well,” as bowl sponsors put it, so there would be plenty of tickets available, even though the exclusive dealer of tickets was “Ticket Servant,” which charges twice the face value of a ticket as a “service charge,” but his niece, Iris “Itchy” Bottoms, is the “Pewter Girl” baton twirler, the less base metals having already been claimed for baton twirlers at other colleges, for “The Marching Millies” of “Three Mille Island University, “mille” being the Frenchy word for “thousand,” according to some sources, and the Millies were marching at “The Chipsahoy Casino Lost Chance Bowl Brought to You By Rabbit Car Wax-We’re a Lot Faster Than a Turtle” at “Pea Party Stadium” in Das Kapital City, which is down on the “Gulf Oil Coast, Brought to You by BP,” and Seymour doesn’t really like Itchy’s mother, his sister-in-law, Sunny, who isn’t, but Das Kapital City is a lot warmer on New Year’s Day, or “New Rear’s Day,” as the Bottoms clan always calls it, than Capitul City, so he did the logical thing.
He stayed home and watched both games on split-screen of his 99 inch “big bottom” TV, as his wife, Kate Bates, calls it, under a sun lamp, and declared it “the best New Rear’s Day ever.”
[“Christ in Winter,” reflections on faith for people in the winter of their years, can be found at http://christinwinter.blogspot.com/]
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