Digital Picture Frames

A lot of people in Periwinkle County got those new-fangled digital picture frames for Christmas.

Two-year-old Clara Wembley was fascinated by the slideshow on the new digital frame of her nana, Kate Bates', until she realized that their mutt, Shingles, was in every photo, being the camera hound that he is. There he was, holding her blankie in his mouth. It reminded her that she had intended to shoot him.

On Christmas eve, hopped up on the sugar from a cache of cookies Kate had hidden but forgotten about, Shingles had grabbed her blankie right out of her hands and run off with it. The adults were too caught up in Christmas confusion to notice her plight. She has been plotting her revenge ever since. She went to the toy box, pulled out the bow and arrow of her big brother, Marp, and took aim at Shingles. Sort of. She couldn't get the arrow notched in the bow string, so she just walked over to Shingles and planted the suction cup on his bumpty. It didn't have much effect on Shingles. He just walked away like it was an honor to have an arrow sticking out of his behind. But it was very therapeutic to little Clara, sort of like the letter you write to the editor but don't send.

Other folks who received digital picture frames did not find them to be so therapeutic.

Pastor Patty is still trying to get her figure back after the birth of Remington's little sister. Her old friend [old in years, not in the time she has known him] and sort of mentor, Rev. Randall Nathan, keeps telling her it is not wise for a pastor to have too good a figure, which makes things a lot worse.

Kelly, the waitress at the Whistle & Thistle, saw that she has gained a few pounds since last Chirstmas, too. About 30. Kelly, though, is like a 300 pound diva playing Carmen. She hits the high notes as she vamps, even if the stage trembles when she sashays across it.

Prof. Ben "Seymour" Bottoms, Kate's husband, looked at the slide show, saw himself, and thought his father had come back to life. "It's a Christmas miracle," he shouted, "in reverse."

Kate herself was chagrined to see the dust bunnies in the corner in the photos. Kate is a woman of clear priorities. They include friendship and kindness, not housework. She believes that "it is better to light one candle than to clean the darkness." She doesn't mind the dust bunnies; she just doesn't want photographic evidence.

Melva "Mickie" Rivers was quite satisfied, though. She is 85 but still had the reflexes to get her hands in front of her face for every one of the 23 photos her children and grandchildren took of her as she told them she would never use the gifts they brought her so why did they bother.

Pastor Randall Nathan, (Retard), looked at the glaring reflection off the top of his head in the pix on his new digital frame and decided that if they had been around in Job's time, Job's three "friends" would have brought him one for Christmas.