If This Is My Last Day

Delbert Eckler wants to drink this morning. It's been several days since he has imbibed. He's not sure how many. He tries not to keep count. Neither keeping count nor not-keeping count has ever kept him from drinking, finally, but right now he's trusting in the "no-count" method.

Del feels good when he doesn't drink. He's happy when he doesn't drink. But after a few days of feeling happy, the desire for booze drapes itself over him, like a hot blanket on a humid summer day. He's not sure why. He knows that drinkers say they drink to forget. All he can remember now that he wants to forget, though, is that he drinks.

Every time he drinks, he thinks about going to AA. But then everyone would know. Del is a secret drinker. Even his wife and children have no idea that he drinks. He never goes to bars. He doesn't drink at all when he's at a party or anyplace else that booze is served. He drinks only by himself. Maybe that's why he does it, just to get away, to have something that is his alone. But he knows that he could get away and have something that was his alone without drinking.

Greg Milhaus, the Presbyterian preacher, goes to AA. Everybody knows that, because Rev. Milhaus is quite open about it. It's part of his ministry, to be a model for others. Del thinks about going to Rev. Milhaus. Maybe they could have an AA group of two. Maybe...

Right now, though, he's thinking about the guy on the motorcycle. A drunk driver hit him. Del was the first one on the scene. He didn't know the man, but he held his hand until he died. Del doesn't worry about hurting someone when he drinks. He doesn't drink and drive. He just drinks and regrets.

When that guy got on his motorcycle, though, he had no idea it would be his last day on earth. Maybe he didn't even kiss his wife goodbye, just hopped on to go do... it doesn't matter what. It was his last day on earth, and up until a strange man was holding his hand in a ditch, he had no idea he was on the last page of his story.

So Del has decided not to drink today. If it's his last day on earth, he wants it to be a happy one.