(Ret.) means slow

Retired Pastor Randall Nathan noticed that other retired people with titles or ranks put (Ret.) after their names, apparently so that they will not be asked to do in retirement what they did before retirement, such as retired military people being asked to blow things up. So he began to put (Ret.) after his name, so that people would not ask him to do things he did before retirement, such as weddings, or other things that blow up. First grader Remington Watts, named for the painter, not the rifle, asked him if (Ret.) stood for retarded. He thought about it. Retard in music means to slow it down, and that's what he's done in retirement, including his brain. So now he spells it out entirely, The Rev. Dr. Randall Nathan, (Retard).