The Dinner Party

Phillippians J. Shufflebottom was pleased, when he popped into The Mills of the Gods Coffee House this morning, to hear that people were talking about the “Ten Thousand Hours” song he wrote for Donna Prima to sing at the summer commencement of Hope’s Promise U yesterday.

“Yes, I love Malcolm Gladwell. He explains things so well. I’m putting him on my list,” said Kate Bates.

“What list is that?” asked her husband, Prof. Ben “Seymour” Bottoms. He sounded suspicious. He’s heard of lists.

“The list for my dinner party. It’s a game. If you can have six people, living or dead, not counting family and friends, people you already know, who would you invite?”

“That’s easy for me,” Edith Whistle, who is the cooking half of The Whistle and Thistle Eating Emporium, who takes a break each morning by going out somewhere else for coffee. “I’d start with Martha Stewart, and then Mr. Food, and…”

“If it’s got to be a Stewart, it should be Jon,” said Ben.

“No, Colbert,” said Remington Watts, Pastor Patty’s son, named for the painter, not the rifle.

“Does your mother let you watch Colbert?”asked Edith.

“No, duh,” said Remington. “I’m eight. I have a secret night job with tech support. I can make it look to Mom like it’s Spongebob on the TV when I’m really watching Colbert.”

“That guy on Animal Planet,” said three-year old Clara Wembley. “I’d ask him how to make Shingles, the dog, an Animal Planet star, so he will have to go to Hollywood and become a drug addict and go to jail. Then I’ll have my revenge,” she laughed evily.

“Lindsey Lohan,” said fifteen-year-old Justus Soon, who is secretly in love with Pastor Patty and tries to make people think he is a normal teenager.

“Amelia Earhart,” said super-agent Phyllis Ethridge. “Then I’d get rich publishing a book about what really happened to her.”

“What about you?” everyone asked Judge Thistlethwaite, who just celebrated his 100th birthday.

“Johnny Wyrostek,” said Judge.

“Who?”

“My childhood hero. Just an average baseball player, at most, but the best player on a below-average team. I figured that would be my life.”

“Did it work out that way?” asked Phyllis.

“Too early to say,” said Judge Thistlethwaite.