The Worship Service Known Ever After as "O Excrement!"

Pastor Patty was just getting up from her big throne chair behind the pulpit, ready to give the traditional call to worship, “The Lord is in his holy temple; let all keep silence before God,” when she heard a voice coming down the aisle say, “Oh, excrement!” It was actually another word that means “excrement.”

“Well, not exactly what I was going to say to start the service,” thought The Rev. Patricia Niebuhr, “but considering that I’m preaching on ‘where your treasure is, there is your heart also,’ when people realize where and what their treasure is, ‘O excrement!’ is probably appropriate.”

Then she saw the back end of Nicyann Darvon hurrying back down the middle aisle toward the front doors. Turns out she had finally gotten her husband, Norbert, to agree to come to church, but since he never comes, by the time she got the kids and her mother ready and into the car and into the church, coming down the aisle, she remembered that she had left Norbert at home.

When it came time for the Kids’ Sermon, and Pastor Patty announced that it would be given this morning by Cathleen Cathaway, Cathleen, sitting in the choir loft behind the altar table, exclaimed, “O excrement!” Then her face went very red. Turned out Cathleen had forgotten all about the Kids’ Sermon and had not prepared anything.

Pastor Patty raised her hand and pronounced the benediction. She wasn’t going to take any more chances.