Coffee and The Age of Reason

Randall Nathan was having coffee at The Mills of The Gods Coffee House and Persimmonoscopy Clinic when Ben “Seymour” Bottoms, The Dr. John C. Wilkey Distinguished Professor of Social and Other Movements, dropped into the booth across from him.

Seymour waved at Arvilla, The Dianne Bass Distinguished Professor of Kitchenology, who moonlights [actually sunrises] at The Mills. “Bring me your grandest grande’ of dark roast,” he called.

“Short on reasoning power this morning?” asked Randall.

“You’ve got it. No reasoning without coffee. That’s how the Age of Reason replaced the Dark Ages, you know, the discovery of coffee. At first it was considered sinful to drink it, but the pope decided he liked it, so he declared it righteous. Back then, everybody, including kids, drank beer or wine all day. Started their day with it and kept going. Couldn’t drink the water, you know. Kept them boozed up and thoughtless all day. Never a rational thought in that bunch. But when they switched to coffee, where the water was boiled, not only did they kick the booze, they got the caffeine. Voila, The Age of Reason.”

“So it was the pope’s fault that people started thinking and not just believing whatever he told them.”

“Yeah. He regretted that part of it, but he sure did enjoy that dark roast,” Seymour said, as he gratefully accepted his grande’ from Arvilla.