To Go or Not To Go

Randall Nathan was sitting on the back deck of his house Sunday morning, trying to decide if he could go to church. He knew he "should." "Could" was an entirely different issue. Could he stand to listen to Pastor Natalie preach again? Pastor Natalie is a Presbyterian who is "between calls," meaning no congregation will hire her, since she preaches like a cow bellowing out The Westminster Confession.

Pastor Patty is out of town, tending to her ailing mother, who has finally agreed, disagreeably, to go to the nursing home. Normally she would ask Randall to fill in at Sunday morning worship for her, but Randall and Claire have Jewish guests for the weekend. As good hosts, they thought they should go to temple with Tex and Betty Lou instead of leaving them alone on Sunday morning. So Randall declined Rev. Patriciam Niebhur's request for him to fill the pulpit, meaning she had no choice but to turn to Pastor Natalie.

But Tex and Betty Lou insisted on going to the concert by pianist Bob Milne at the restored Crystal Persimmon Opera House and VD Clinic, the trustees of the opera house apparently assuming that everyone knows that in restored opera house language, VD stands for Virtuoso Drumming, with Tex announcing that according to the Oklahoma Kaballah, a Rag Time/Dixieland piano concert was tantamount to going to temple, twice.

So Randall was sitting on his back deck, his hosting duties fulfilled, trying to discern if the Oklahoma Kaballah had anything to say about Pastor Natalie.

Then Pastor Alvin started preaching. Pastor Alvin is a chipmunk who stands on a big rock at the edge of the woods and makes that eternal infernal clucking chipmunk sound. Having awakened everyone on that side of the county, Pastor Alvin dashed across Randall Nathan's deck, right under Randall's chair, and took up his post on a big rock at the edge of the woods on the other side of the back yard, where he preached exactly the same sermon, twice.

So he's been to temple twice, and heard Pastor Alvin's sermon three times. Does he still have to go hear Pastor Natalie? Or is going to worship something other than just hearing the preacher, as bad or good as s/he may be? At his age, Pastor Nathan, (Retard), thinks he should know the answer to that already.